Last week I was getting in touch with my feelings. This week I’m beginning to answer questions about Step Two – “Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity”
Then – 4/19/2004
“Journal question – What is my concept of a Higher Power at this time?
Honestly, I want to believe that there is a God; a divine force that created everything and loves us unconditionally. I do believe we have the power of free will and God has nothing to do with the choices we make. We are usually given the tools we need to deal with life; we just have to pay attention. I do try to listen and pay attention when things happen, when people say certain things or I read something because I don’t believe in coincidence. I believe God gives us hints or clues; maybe we have guardian angels with us all the time to poke us a little when we need to pay attention. I believe that a Higher Power is the actual relinquishing of the control we think we have. The Higher Power is the act of letting go. It’s like just letting something else take over the fear, pain, worry, anger, etc. in a situation where we have no control of the outcome.”
Now – 9/25/11
The most amazing thing I can say about learning Step Two is that “I found God in Al-Anon”. I had searched my whole life for a spiritual understanding and connection, trying to find it in church, books or any other medium I could think of. I didn’t come into Al-Anon believing in a power greater than myself; I wanted to believe, but I wasn’t quite there yet. The most amazing thing I learned in the meetings was that I didn’t have to believe anything; I could “act as if”, if I wanted to or I could borrow other people’s faith until I got my own. So that’s what I did for awhile, until I had my big “aha” moment.
My “aha” moment came at the time I was involved in a dysfunctional situation and torn about what to do. I had been asking for guidance and surrendering the results for months. In the most inexplicable series of events I’ve ever experienced, I received the information I needed and in that moment, I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that I had a Higher Power watching over me.
When I look back I can see that the events leading up to my divorce, everything that transpired during my divorce and each moment after my divorce has been guided by my Higher Power. Even if I couldn’t understand it at the time, there has always been guidance in my life.
My Divorce Journal 